Like today.

There are days like today where I write something brutally honest on a bad day and while it is 100% true, it still makes me want to hide out for a week or month or an undetermined amount of time.

I am, if nothing else, terribly courageous.

[Read: sarcasm.]

Today I am writing over at (in)courage about this one day before Christmas when my friends and I went to see a movie.

And it is pitiful and raw and honest and it is how I feel sometimes and while I know you get it and have been there and maybe are still getting it or maybe get it in another context besides singleness, I’m still feeling some fear about posting it not because it is wrong, but because I wish it wasn’t true.

Also, apparently, I’m feeling the need to write run-on sentences. My word.

. . . . .

Some other things that you may/may not care about:

1. The boy in the story travels for his job and I am hoping beyond hope that he will just stay away from my corner of the internet today. Mainly because I admit that I had an inward crumble because of him. I don’t want boys knowing they make me crumble.

Melt? Yes.

Crumble? No.

2. I am feeling a little better about movies. Not great, mind you, but I did watch Hugo and loved it.

3. We are all allowed to have bad days in whatever life season we are living. I’m just not sure it is great to also have a writing deadline fall on those same days.

4. This is still really true, no matter how I feel.

Isaiah 41:17

The poor and needy search for water,

but there is none;

their tongues are parched with thirst.

But I the LORD will answer them;

I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.

I hope you share this (in)courage post because this isn’t one of those where you can go, “Barbie- read this- I know you are desperately sad about being single!” but it is one that, hopefully, a single gal will click on from your facebook feed and know that while she is hurting, she isn’t alone.

The run-on sentences. They are bountiful.

Thanks for letting me be me. I really mean that.

. . . . .

Are you new around these parts? Well welcome!

Hi. I’m Annie. I write books for my job.

You can read more about me here.

You can follow me on twitter here.

You can like me on facebook here.

You can follow me on pinterest here.

. . . . .

[PS- as long as we're single-talking, I wrote a guest post for my friend Sammy titled Silently Single. Feel free to pop over there and check it out- the comments are really awesome.]

Man, a few months ago when I asked you guys to help me brainstorm topics for (in)courage, I never expected the large and varied response that I got. [And yes, you are welcome to keep adding your thoughts to the post.]

I mean, whoa.

So every month, when it is my turn up to bat at (in)courage, I go back to that post and I read through the comments and try write something directly in response to those.

[PS- Yes. I see all the comments about sex and singleness. Yes. Someone needs to talk about it. Not sure that's gonna be me or that it's gonna happen on (in)courage. That sounds like a job for Super Bianca! But seriously, I'm praying about how to tackle that topic. Don't give up on me... or do and go ask Bianca to tell you.]

So as I perused this month, I was struck by a couple of gals mentioning comments people have made to them about being single.

And don’t we all, as women, often need the reminder that our words have weight and power?

Pop on over to (in)courage today and read Speak Gently … I’d love for you to comment over there, or over here, about how you have dealt with words that accidentally [or purposefully] hurt you.

. . . . .

Are you new around these parts? Well welcome!

Hi. I’m Annie. I write books for my job.

You can read more about me here.

You can follow me on twitter here.

You can like me on facebook here.

You can follow me on pinterest here.

. . . . .

Have I ever told you how much I like cheese?

A lot. Like, a lot. Mainly, I can’t resist Manchego.

So of course, when it was time for me to write for (in)courage for March, I needed to write about cheese.

You remember the old song “the Farmer in the Dell”? Do you remember what happens to the cheese?

It stands alone.

In my quest to talk openly and honestly about being single, I went to the list y’all made for me a few weeks ago and pulled a question:

What if I am the last single girl in the bunch?

And I answered it… using cheesy examples. Literally.

So check it out, tell your friends, and share your thoughts. And as always, if you have specific questions you’d like for me to answer about the life of a single gal, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments! I definitely want to be writing about the stuff that is important to YOU.

Happy weekend, y’all.

Though I am 100% pro getting set up with guys that you guys know. So… maybe I should say while that wasn’t the PRIMARY goal of this post, your plans to set me up with some cute boy in Nashville are met with a yes and amen.

[That's enough about that, Annie. Sheesh.]

As most of you local yokels know, I’ve been writing a series about being single over at (in)courage:

It Is Time We Talked About It

Single In The New Year

When A Comment Breaks Your Heart

All three have gotten great responses– panic-inducing responses, to be honest. The kind of responses that put me on my face in prayer saying, “God, how do we help these women? How do we speak to them and minister to them?”

I know there are a lot of you singlets out there in my little corner of the internet sky. So I’m wondering– what else would you like to see us tackle at (in)courage when it comes to singleness? Are there topics or questions or concerns or anything like that? Maybe you married folk out there can help too– what do you wish you would have known when you were single?

I just want to make sure that I’m writing things that are relevant to singles today and the best way to do that is to ask.

So here I am. Asking.

What should I write about?

There are days when I read through the comments here and I feel like it’s one big conference call with my friends. And when you email, and when you comment, and when you reply on twitter, it’s like we just know each other.

How did the internet do that?

It wasn’t so long ago that saying “I met them online” caused eyebrows to raise, and now it’s how I introduce some of the absolute dearest people in my life.

Something has happened where instead of the internet being just for creepy people who stay in their basement, it’s now a means of getting to know your friends better, on a deeper level. I don’t have to see other bloggers for months at a time, but because of what we have here, on the internet, it adds beauty to what we have out there- in the real world. And when you readers pop into Nashville and we run into each other at Frothy Monkey, it’s not an introduction, it’s a reunion.

That’s one of the reasons I am B.E.Y.O.N.D. excited about (in)RL, an event happening all over the world on April 27th and 28th, hosted by my favorite beach house for women, (in)courage. It’s not a conference. We don’t have to fly to see each other or pack a bag. It’s a get-together in your own town, with people who love through words on a screen, and it can start something in your heart.

I know it can feel scary, but it isn’t. I promise. We all love the feeling of having people, a community that cares. And (in)courage is offering a place for that to happen. I hope you’ll take them up on it. For just $10, you’ll get a t-shirt, a pack of cards, and some other goodies. Trust me, nobody is making any money on this- just making friends and making a difference. At least, that’s what I think (in)RL will do.

You can read more here.

You should go ahead and register here.

And then you can find your local (in)RL here.

If you are in Nashville, please [PUH-LEASE!] join us! Jessica, Angie, and I are really hoping this will be the start of some amazing things for the (in)courage women in our community. Here is the link to our meet-up. Y’all. It’s gonna be so good.

And here I insert a hearty thank you. My little corner of the internet sky is one of my favorite places to be. That is all because of you, my reader friends who show up and comment and email and live life with me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I have learned from you. And I hope you know that you are always welcome here.

 I am grateful for you and I like you so much. 

My dear friend Sarah Markley wrote about community yesterday and tomorrow the loveliest Ann Voskamp will do the same. Please read their thoughts as well- you will be blessed.

. . . . .

What have you learned from online communities? 

I got a google notification that “Annie Downs” had popped up on Amazon.

I checked it out and immediately knew that you people would enjoy this story.

So apparently Johanna Bock, an author in the UK, has written a new book called Knight Vision. Here’s the cover.

Not entertained yet [except by the clipart]? Well. Let me share the description.

Twenty-three-year-old, Annie Downs, stumbles upon her ‘knight in shining armor’, Jeff Mills, when and where she least expects. Through his words and actions, he banishes the hidden skeletons in her soul, envelops her in the love story she craves, and proves to her that beloved romance stories are not just fictional, but can indeed be true. In doing so, Jeff fulfills her fantasy, her knight vision.

Y’all. I’m the star of a book in the UK. Good news bad news. Good news is the Kindle edition [the only addition] of the book is free. Bad news is that you can’t download it outside of the UK. [Lucky for me, I used to live in Scotland so I'm totally going to beg some of my friends over there to download it, read it, and send me a full summary.]

Since the description doesn’t really tell us much, so I’m just going to go back to my life as a 23 year old and fill in the blanks for you.

“Twenty-three-year-old, Annie Downs, stumbles upon her ‘knight in shining armor’, Jeff Mills, when and where she least expects.”  At 23, I was teaching elementary school in Georgia, so pretty much I was surrounded by single boys, but they were all under 10 years old. I also was a super overachiever, so I was at school by 6am and stayed until 4ish. Let’s all wonder together why I never met a boy that year. So where would I have met Jeff Mills where I least expected it? ANYWHERE.

“he banishes the hidden skeletons in her soul…” Dramatic sentence much, Johanna Bock? Here are the hidden skeletons in my soul: I always wished to be on the Mickey Mouse Club and it still breaks my heart that it never happened.

“Jeff fulfills her fantasy, her knight vision.” Wait. Are you saying that this Jeff Mills character can somehow take 23 year old Annie out of the 5th grade classroom and whisk her away to Orlando and make her a cast member on the long cancelled Mickey Mouse Club?

I’m sold.

Who knows Jeff Mills? Come on, y’all. Someone introduce a sister to this knight in shining armor. Seriously. I want to be on Disney.

The other option is that Knight Vision is a book about my life as an undercover cop who only runs stings at night and ends up falling in love with one of the criminals who we find out is actually my childhood sweetheart who was in an accident and had lost his memory of being a good guy until he sees me again THROUGH NIGHT VISION GOGGLES and returns to his former life of being an upright citizen.

Either way, this is a highlight of my week and I totally hope I get to read the book someday. Please, Johanna Bock? Can I have a copy?

. . . . .

On a less bizarro note, I’m writing today over at (in)courage about a truly heartbreaking comment we received a few weeks ago. I’d love for you to check it out.

Are you new around these parts? Well welcome!

Hi. I’m Annie. I write books for my job.

You can read more about me here.

You can follow me on twitter here.

You can like me on facebook here.

. . . . .

With love from your favorite romance novel character,

Annie Downs

And then it got 450ish comments.

Good. Gravy. Boat.

For the last few weeks since that post exploded, I have labored over what to do next. It has been a recurring theme in my prayers, my thoughts, and my conversations- “how do I love and lead and live well before these single women?” I feel a real responsibility to that community. Meanwhile, I worry that talking about being single will make cute boys who read my blog run the other way. But this feels like a door God has swung wide open, so I tell those irrational fears to Shut Up Please and then I keep writing.

For as long as this gal stays single, I’m going to talk honestly about it.

I think that’s the best thing I can do, right?

I can’t say it enough- I know like I know like I know that today is the day to share hope. While I want to have my own family someday, I can’t even begin to express how great life is- single or married- when God is allowed to author the story.

And while “Single in 2012″ wasn’t a chapter I was expecting Him to write, the details have been phenomenal and the story arch is the most interesting thing I’ve ever seen.

So three cheers to a New Year full of honest talks about the beauty and the beast that is singleness.

I’m the batter up over at (in)courage again today, where I’ve written five new choices I’m making in 2012. I’d love for you to pop over there and join in the linky conversation.

Based on the comments last time, I’m thinking this could be a big day for some of our singlet friends.

I know my day will be full of whispered prayers for these girls. Will you pray for them right now too? The single gals out there who need to make some new choices this year? And in 2013, we will look back and realize that God took our tiny prayers and changed some lives. Booyah.

. . . . .

Are you new around these parts? Well welcome!

Hi. I’m Annie. I write books for my job.

You can read more about me here.

You can follow me on twitter here.

You can like me on facebook here.

. . . . .

To my married friends, I’d love for you to share some wisdom in the comments today- what are some choices that singlets should be making?

I rarely write about being single. There are a lot of reasons why that I won’t take time to list today. But a big one, if I’m being completely honest with you, is that I don’t want to be the poster gal for Single Christian Life. I just don’t.

You know what happens to poster people? They stay poster people.

The Single Christians Life poster girl? She stays single. And that’s a scary thought.

[Fine. You're right. That is a ridiculous thing to believe. But most fears are, aren't they?]

Do you know what finally convinced me to write about being single?

You.

The ones of you who commented on Day 28, the ones of you who email me and tell me the things about being single that you don’t want to leave in a comment, the ones of you who comment at (in)courage.

Do you know what REALLY convinced me to write about being single?

God.

I felt a real push from Him over the last few months to write about the honest emotions that are happening in this season of my life. If I wait until I’m married to tell you what this feels like, it won’t be authentic. It will be a memory.

Hope comes in more concentrated doses if you are getting it from someone IN the moment, versus in the memory.

So I’m not the poster girl for Single Christian Life.

I’m the poster girl for Hope.

Hop over to (in)courage today to see the beginnings of what God is doing for single women through that community….

[And for you gals who are here every day, 'singlets' as I like to call us, first of all, I'm sorry I haven't talked more about this. Secondly, please give your 2¢ over at (in)courage. We REALLY want to know how to do this well.]

[Also, part 2 of the deportation story is tomorrow. Here's Deportation Part 1 if you haven't gotten to read it yet.]

. . . . .

Are you new around these parts? Well welcome! 

Hi. I’m Annie. I write books for my job.

You can read more about me here.

You can follow me on twitter here.

You can like me on facebook here.

. . . . .

Your thoughts today, my friends?

And a few weeks ago, I was a total coward. I mean, a major major coward.

It only seems fair, that in a month where I am talking about courage in all of its forms, that I also talk about the days when I lack it.

And I majorly lacked it.

So I wrote about it for (in)courage.

It was only a £2 mistake. But it has cost me much more than that.

Sincerely,

Your local people pleasing coward

The thing about blogging is that it gives us each a chance to share a few moments of our day with our reader friends.

I love blogging when I get to tell about seeing the Royal family or when I learn a new recipe. I love blogging when, in all honesty, the writing is good and the stories are funny or tug on heart strings. I love blogging and reading blogs for an hour or so a day.

But that leaves another 23 hours.

The thing about blogging is that it is our real lives, it’s just not the FULLNESS of real life….

You can read the rest of this article over at (in)courage today.

. . . . .

On Saturday night I sat on the bus from Princes Street to Morningside and thought long and hard about that article I wrote for (in)courage. It was dark and chilly and windy like a November night in Nashville. I missed my train then missed my bus and I was two hours late getting home.

I thought about the fact that I was missing the (in)courage beach weekend, I was missing Georgia football, I was wondering how things might be different if I was in Nashville.

And I was totally alone. 

It’s not that I hadn’t seen friends all day. I had.

It was a deeper alone than that. It was a going home alone thing. A family-less alone. A man-less alone. A best friend-less alone. A someone who has known me longer than 6 months-less alone.

It was this alone that doesn’t cross my heart very often.

I am totally digging my life in Scotland, you know this. But it doesn’t mean that it is pain-free or sacrifice-free or perfect. It can be hard. Really hard.

[This doesn't shake my faith, don't let it shake yours.]

It is hard for me to feel alone. It makes me worry that it is permanent. It makes me feel like I have to be stronger than I want to be. It makes me feel like I am the only one who looks out for me. It makes me wrestle with God and who He is and what it looks like to call Him my home.

And that is something that I normally wouldn’t blog about.

But I am today. Because if I’m going to tell you about praying and pulling weeds and exciting weeks, then I need to tell you about nights alone on the bus.

So the thing about blogging is that it isn’t easy to admit when things don’t feel perfect or awesome. But the thing about blogging [and this being MY blog ] is I get to choose which minutes of my day I share with you, whether that is easy or not.

And today, I’m choosing to share the hard minutes. Hope that’s okay.

. . . . .

Feel free to share your hard minutes or your easy minutes in the comments today… and know you are prayed for.