Not because I’m really holy.
But because of the absolutely disgusting experience I had when I got home from Mocha Club yesterday.
Let me back up a bit.
Wednesday, I thawed a bag of frozen chicken. FOR SIX HOURS. Whoops. So those eight chicken breasts [read: $7.99 of my precious income] got thrown away. Because there are a lot of good jokes I want to play on my friends, but giving them salmonella is pretty far down the list.
So those 3.5 chickens, plus some other foodie trash, was bagged and put in our outside trash can.
Thursday, we awoke to the trash attack of the year. I mean, this one was pretty severe too. But that was 2008.
Running out of time, I just thought I’d deal with it when I got home.
And boy oh boy was that a poor choice.
Because you know who else loves raw chicken and trash besides the overnight attacker?
Fuh-lies. FLIES.
[And let me warn you. This story gets a little barf-a-rific. So prepare yourself. Emotionally.]
So I grab a few trash bags and head out to the nightmare of raw foods that was strewn across my driveway. I just couldn’t take any pictures for you. I’m sorry. But I actually kept my eyes closed most of the time.
[Which leads to this question: If we can close our eyes, WHY CAN'T WE CLOSE OUR NOSE? I would have given anything for a pair of nose lids in that moment.]
I’m just going to give you the facts: there were over 50 flies, only 2 pieces of raw chicken left, and 12 audible gags.
But in the end, I came out victorious. I bagged the trash, put the lid on the can, and then placed a cinder block on top with hopes of said block of cement:
a) weighing down the trashcan, thus stopping the rodent from attacking two nights in a row OR
b) landing directly on the rodent’s head when he tips over the trash can.
Really, either is fine with me.
And afterwards, thanks to a complete lack of appetite, I took the opportunity to fast and pray.
Because I am nothing if not deeply disciplined and spiritual.
Have a great weekend.
You’re a hoot! If your friend didn’t already have the name I’d have to call you HootenAnnie.
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SICK!!!! But it made me laugh
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That’s horrifying. But also hilarious.
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Ewwww!
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Noselids! Love it.
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That was very entertaining
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I want some noselids too!!
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Laughed out loud…noselids, hilarious! I love you!
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Ditto on the EWWWW! Thanks for sharing. LOL!
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That’s awesome.
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You can believe it or not, but after years of raising dogs, and having a kennel and cleaning up tons of you-know-what, I CAN close my nose. No noselids though. But no smell can get through the steel trap that is my nose unless I want it to. May I say that this skill has come in very handy in my current career as a nurse!
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I would probably have used the chicken anyway. I like to live on the edge like that.
You can pour something on your trash – ammonia? vinegar? something that keeps the varmints away. It worked for the possums we had. Google.
Tell me true, is there an uglier animal than a possum?
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