The movie Julie & Julia ended. The credits rolled. And I cried.
Like a baby. Like a “Get yourself under control, child!” kind of cry.
[I actually cried twice during the movie. But let's not talk about it.]
I cried because the movie was full of me- the food lover, the blogger, the unpublished author, the woman.
I’m the blogger who makes decisions for her blog readers, celebrates the comments, and sometimes has to bring my blog life into submission to my real life. A common mantra around these parts are, “just remember- if the internet dies, so does AnnieBlogs.” Cause it can’t hurt to remember that every now and again.
I’m the cook who was raised to FEEL the food. To eat it, but more to experience it. Maybe it’s a Southern thing. Maybe it’s a family thing. Maybe it’s because of where AND who I come from. Either way, it literally pains me to eat healthy because, I’m going to be honest here, butter is what makes things lovely.
But more than any of those, I’m the writer. The author. Who is DYING for that letter or that call. Just dying for it. The call that says “your writing is legit and we have an offer.” The call that says, “Yep, keep working on that second book cause baby, the first one is going to press.” The call that says, “in the next year or so, you are going to open your mailbox and find a large envelope containing the first copy of your new book.”
I cried because I’ve been pretending that I don’t care if my book gets picked up soon or not. And watching both Julie and Julia live in that place of wanting to be a published author but not quite there yet, well, it killed my pretender.
Because I do care. I care so much. I care to point that I compose emails to my agent EVERY DAY and delete them because really, who wants to be that annoying girl who asks AGAIN if we’ve heard anything? [Not me.] Because somewhere, in this deep part of my chest- behind my ribs but before my backbone, is this place that gets almost cold and tight with desire. With hope. With the feeling that I was made to be a writer.
I cried because in the dark of that movie theater, surrounded by my dear friends, I remembered how much I want my dreams to come true.
Bon appetit.
i loved it, too…and i loved watching how it moved you. it’s gonna happen, girl, and i can’t wait to be there when it does!
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I can’t wait to see this movie, even though I know I’ll bawl like a baby. When I saw this preview a few months ago, I just sat in the theater with tears, staring at the screen. My husband said, “How could THAT make you cry?” After my very long and pointed reply, he regretted asking that question.
In sum, how could that NOT make me cry?
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I am going to see it TODAY! Thanks for the post
Sounds great!
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Yes, I NEED to see this movie.
Second, there are those of us who are of the opinion that butter IS the healthy option. I’m just sayin’.
Third, I love it when you don’t pretend and you just tell us what’s underneath your rib cage.
Can’t wait to see what happens next.
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Oh, sweet new friend in my computer! I have little tears in the corners of my eyes with your name on them. I’m stepping up my prayers for you right now. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED.
I can’t wait to see this movie!
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really, I could post this every time–thanks for sharing your heart and being transparent. Your writing is so refreshing and I know that someday it will be published. You. are. awesome.
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I am going to see it tonight!
Let’s talk. You need a hug. I have been there sister.
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I’ve been wanting to see this movie…now it’s a must see.
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Loved the blog entry, Darlin’. I too saw Julie and Julia and cried as well. Only the reason I cried is that it reminded me of the day my Dad and I drove to Downtown Rich’s to see Julia in person doing a live cooking demo. it was such a fun day and Julia was a riot! Chopping carrots and flying them all in the front row, pouring wine and more wine into dishes, etc. Loved it! My Dad, a cook himself, enjoyed it sooo much! It was a special day for us and it was also the day i bought my first springform pan!! I still have it and it has baked many a great cheesecake!!
I love you, Girl, and am praying your dreams are close to coming true!!!
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Saw it. Twice. Cried. Twice. I feel your heart here, I really do. Because it feels quite familiar to my own.
I pray your dreams do come true!
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Oh I really want to go see this now!!
ps – praying for you!
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I haven’t seen the movie yet, but this post made me tear up. I could feel your longing while reading your words. We’re all praying for you that you’ll get what you’ve worked so hard for.
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Yes.
That’s all I can say: YES.
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You know what? When you care, and I mean REALLY CARE about stuff….when you are passionate about something and you put yourself out there, life is a LOT scarier. And that, my friend, is why I think you’re so courageous (and a perfect writer for the (in)courage gig). Because you’re chasing hard your dreams and praying through obstacles. And knowing (deep down) that while life is so much scarier this way, it is really the only way to live.
Did I just give a speech in the comments section? Sorry bout that.
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Part of my ‘required’ curriculum for my high school students to get dual credit in my course with the local college is that we show Julia Child’s video series.
My students CRINGE because they are so used to the Food Network and modern entertainment of cooking. At the same time, they laugh and critique her style, comment about why I don’t allow them to cook with wine like Julia, and so forth.
Can’t wait to see it!
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Thank you for being this honest…
Can I just be honest for a minute and say that I’ve got a publisher waiting on me to send him a few songs – but I’m scared to because I don’t want to hear the (likely) no-thank-you.
Annie. I’ve admired, nay – envied, your move to Nashville and your launch into full-time-writing. In my mind, you’re already doing the thing… I want you to get that publishing deal so badly. Mainly because I want me to get a deal as well.
Oh the madness of the thing called “artist.”
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I am so glad you shared this! I can’t imagine how hard it must be to wait as you have to. Praying the call comes quickly!
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What a beautiful post! I know just how you feel, not as a writer, but as an artist. We care about our work, we really care… I think that is a good thing. God blessed us with passion… I think it is the passionate ones that succeed!
I can’t wait to see this movie. Thank you for sharing your experience with us!!
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Praying for you. Patience, dear friend, patience. It will come. I just know it.
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I’m feelin you, dear friend with the truest writer’s heart I’ve seen… and dying to see the movie. Wanna babysit?
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it’s gonna happen soon, Annie. worry if you will, cry if you need to, but rest assured that what you feel now, won’t last forever. soon, your dreams will come true.
lotta love!
-gaby
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Your post made me want to go see this movie.
I posted a quote over on facebook that I got from work:
Vision without action is a daydream, action without vision is a nightmare.
You are acting on your vision, how many people don’t do that (I could raise my hand here). Just keep writing and it will happen. Have faith, don’t give up.
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If I could, I would publish you just based on this. Oh my, you write amazingly! And to think, you were helping me with MY English classes doing menial work. I should have put you in front of those kids and said “Teach woman!”
Wait on the Lord… it’ll be worth it. His dreams for you are even bigger!
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Praying your dreams come true!
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it was a great movie indeed! I love your blog so when you are an author one day I will buy your book too! Hey, you already are an author or at least you are to me! I pray your dreams are fulfilled in the best way
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And we all want that dream to come true for you, too, Annie! Never, ever give up on that dream. Your words will be used for His purpose, without a doubt!
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“behind my ribs but before my backbone…” LOVE it.
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oh Anya. I loved the movie and I loved this entry because I love your honesty that encourages others to be honest with themselves as well. The movie killed my pretender too and tell me you didn’t cry a little bit watching Julie at her 30th birthday dinner. Where does the time go?
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Thanks for sharing about your dead pretender. I don’t want to be one of those people who sounds full of platitudes, but I truly believe your day will come. I’ve learned that “soon” is relative (as in when my now DH told me we’d get engaged “soon” for more than 2 years. His definition of ‘soon’ and mine didn’t exactly match!)
So, I can’t speak to the ‘soon-ness’ of your dream coming true, but I have no doubt that it will. I met you this year at my 15th anniversary Mt. Hermon. I have many writer friends that I met in my early years there (Tricia Goyer, Marlo Schalesky, others) who had to wait a few years to get that first book in the mail, but look at them now! Christy award winning, much-published…and I see the same kind of talent and heart and smarts in you that they have.
I have no doubt that one day you will have a book at the Mt. Hermon book table. Truly.
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Oh, AnnieBlogs. I have no words except to say Yes. And also too? I agree. And I get that and I get you. And butter.
that is all.
Why am I not published? I am so clearly eloquent with the English language.
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Oh dear. I started crying while reading this post & that funny little heavy thing stuck in my chest because I feel you. I saw this movie & cried. No, I wept. Big fat tears streaming down my cheeks because finally, Julie considered herself a writer & I knew exactly how she felt at that moment with dozens of messages waiting for her. If only!
Why is it we must wait for other’s approval before gaining our own? You have it, girl. So many of us are praying you get this book deal because like Mandy said, we know what it’s like to want something so badly.
Be encouraged, sweet sister.
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Oh, I’m pretty sure we’re sisters. I wish I had written this post.
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I watched this movie last night and it brought on a lot of the same feelings. Not about writing but about the dreams that I crave but don’t really do anything about.
For love of that movie. And dreams.
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