The weather in Nashville is weird today- not exactly cold, but cool. Sporadically severely windy. And ugly, gloomy clouds are passing through the sky with no breaks of sunshine.

I’m kinda grateful for the weather because I too feel weird today. Do you know this feeling?

I’m scared. I’m concerned. I’m nervous. I’m worried. I’m overwhelmed. I leave at 8am for three weeks in California, one of those weeks being Mt. Hermon Christian Writers Conference. Where I actually have a purpose and a goal and a budding career to think about. And a book. And an agent.

Last night, I sat with some friends that are farther along in their creative careers and asked them how to do this. How to balance humility and confidence. How to have dreams and goals without having unrealistic expectations [slash avoiding getting my heart broken]. How to separate my career from my person when they are so closely linked. How to make choices that put God first, not me.

Balancing all those things feels like this.

And I don’t think I have room in my luggage to pack all those basketballs. I’m already tired and I haven’t even zipped my suitcase.

One of my new favorite bands is The Alternate Routes, and they have a song called California that says “California, can you hear me now? Sing me a song that I can feel somehow.”

And I need California to sing to me today. I don’t want to leave Nashville. It makes me feel sad. There’s a lot going on in my world here, a lot of fears and insecurities about this trip that are swirling over my head like the clouds just outside the window. And I love my people here.

The sky just started raining big fat tears. I can’t see them, but I can hear them splashed into pieces against the window.

It soothes, for some reason. Writing it all out soothes. Having Betsy sit here beside me while we blog and watch TV makes it better. Knowing that this is part of the battle, part of working out my salvation, part of being a creative adult, it soothes. Having friends that let me sit on their couch and wrestle with this, in frustration and tears, soothes.

Tomorrow I’ll give you a laundry list of how you can pray for me while I’m in California because if there is one thing I ain’t ashamed to do, it’s to let you in the process and tell you how to pray. Cause I don’t know a lot of things, but I KNOW that I can’t do this thing on my own.

For now, I’m making a stop by Fido [to meet a friend who is definitely cool enough to be there] and then I’ll finish packing and spend time with my Nash-family who I won’t be with for the next few weeks.

The rain has stopped. But the soothing continues.

And by “here”, I mean Nashville.

And blogland.

I’m just way busy because, and I’m not sure I’ve mentioned this, I’m going to be in California for the next 3 weeks.

I’ll give you more story later.

But just wanted to check in and say that I’ll write more later.

Life changing post. That’s what this is.

Seriously. That is the time right this very minute.

Sick, right?  I know.  I totally agree.  I had to stay up late finishing some work and then the next thing you know, I’m buzzing through my inbox trying to get as close to zero as possible and thinking, “I should really blog now”.  Which let me just say, no one really knows how this is going to go because as evidenced before, my late night blogging tends to be ridiculous.

You’ve been warned.

Really would this be late night blogging or crazily early morning blogging? [And so it begins.....]

First of all, THANK YOU [times eleventy billion] for all your sweet comments about my exciting news earlier this week.  Now that I’ve signed on the dotted line, I can actually give you more information, which some of your smart google-stalkers already figured it out yourselves [which I was betting would happen].

Books & Such is a literary agency. So I officially have an agent. Does that mean that I just made a ton of money? Not even. The book has not been published and it does not have a publisher [yet]. But having an agent means that her job is to get the book published.  So that’s pretty crazy exciting. Like, way exciting. And I’ve spent the last two days working REALLY HARD on some parts  of my book- hence the lack of blogging.  And then mailing to my agent.

Because I have an agent. [That's still fun to say.]

It’s not the be-all-end-all, but it is a really big step in the right direction for you to be able to go in to your Borders and find something there that I wrote.

That just made me shudder. Cause that thought is crazy.  Crazy cool.

I am so hungry all the sudden.  If I’m this hungry when I’m awake at 4:25am, am I this hungry when I’m asleep at 4:25am?

[The Wacko-Train seems to be coming into the station.  Sorry.]

I’m starting to put together a database of youth ministers/college ministers/book store owners/etc. that I can contact regarding my book and possibly speaking for the girls in their ministry.  I LOVE speaking at events because HELLO I LOVE MICROPHONES. And talking about Jesus to young women. Not in that order. So if you know any youth dudes/sistas or any good contacts for me, send them via the “contact” page [conveniently titled] or email me at annieblogs [at] gmail [dot] com. Or if you know of any event that is looking for a female speaker, throw my name in the hat and let me know and I’ll send my media kit.

On a completely different topic- the new Facebook? Don’t even get me started.  Grrrr….

On another completely different topic- is anybody out there watching Grey’s Anatomy because I’d just like to thank the people at Grey’s for proving once again that I can weep, like WEEP, at a completely fictional story. The face transplant last week? MOVING, y’all.  [I can't wait for the day that someone googles "face transplant" and ends up here- welcome, and listen, you don't need a face transplant. You're so pretty. Believe it.]

I think that’s all I can muster tonight/this morning/ish.

I have a few pretty exciting things to tell you about in the next five days, so come on back.  And bring a friend. Cause this little corner of the internet sky? It’s a fun place to be.

4:48am.  Just in case you were curious how long it took me to write this rabbit trail.

If I peek over my computer, I can see an envelope on the kitchen counter. It’s a very VERY exciting envelope. Once I sign the papers in that envelope and mail them back from whence they came, things kinda change forever career wise for me.

It’s awesome. Amazing. Shocking. Fantastic.

And I’m really sad.

Because my family isn’t here. My life long best friends aren’t here. If this had happened in Marietta, I would have called Haley and Molly to come over, my parents and sisters, Kathleen, Katie B, all of them. They would have come to my little house in Kennesaw and gathered around my black kitchen table as I signed my name. We would have cheered and laughed and yes, I probably would have cried. [Duh.] Then we would have gone to Laredo’s because nothing says “CELEBRATE!” like cheese dip.

I want my Mama. I want my Daddy. I don’t know why this has hit me so hard today. Maybe because this feels different- finishing the book was awesome- no doubt. And I wasn’t sad AT ALL.

But this is starting something new. It feels like I’m moving forward with my life in a big way. And I don’t want to move again without my family. For some reason, this feels like giving up my life in Marietta all over again.

Standing alone in my kitchen, signing this major piece of paper, is very very lonely.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m way excited and grateful for what God has done for me. Nashville is wonderful to me [as evidenced by My Two Dads yesterday] and I am super happy. And the fact that my writing career is moving forward is awesome.

I guess I just want to send this message to my people back home. I miss y’all everyday and love you so much.

So I had in my mind a vision to add some cool lighting to our back porch. I could see it in my head- I would buy some tall wood from Home Depot, attach it to the deck, then string lights.  Easy enough. Sounded like a fun Sunday afternoon… until I told the plan to my Jasons at lunch [who we will bitterly lovingly call "My Two Dads" from here on out]. Because neither of them had any inkling of faith in my ability to construct the mood lighting I was looking for. So maybe I didn’t exactly know what kind of wood I wanted [why is "tall" not an appropriate answer?] or have any history of building something correctly [I still think super glue would have worked], but I knew in my mind that I could pull this off.

Ignoring my instruction to “Just! Let! Me! Do! It!“, My Two Dads and I went to Home Depot.

We purchased 4 tall pieces of wood [like I said....] and 4 hooks.  Then I went to Target and got the lights. And my job was to collect the supplies before they got to my house.

[May I take this time to insert that I love my Jasons and I have ZERO complaints about them helping me out EXCEPT they wouldn't let me wear a tool belt.  I really wanted to wear a tool belt.]

Anyways. So here’s the back porch before the magical transformation brought to you by My Two Dads.

We screwed the hooks into the top of the tall pieces of wood first so that the lights would have something on which to hang.  Then we made sure that the wood was level before we nailed it to the porch.

I know. I’m ridiculously helpful. Pointing and saying, “Hey, the bubble is in the middle!!” [I am also VERY knowledgeable.] The only thing that would have made the moment more legit would have been a tool belt.  But whatevs.

Then My Two Dads started hopping and stringing and leveling, so I just got out of the way. [And photographed, obviously, because second to the excitement of actually doing the project was the excitement of blogging about it. Duh.]

And yes, they have on totally different outfits than at Home Depot. The same day.  Blame a mid-afternoon game of basketball and the fact that my Jasons? They are TRENDY.

We only had one smallish incident. Twice. Don’t you hate that?

But in the end, My Two Dads proved that they know everything about everything. And that their skill set is ever increasing.

I have to get one more strand of lights, but because I severely lack patience, I’m putting up an incomplete picture because I just want you to see it. right. now.

So even though I’m fairly certain of the power of the tool belt and my ability to do all things on my own [ahem], I’m really grateful for My Two Jasons. [I refuse to get mushy here. Trust me, I could do it. But I won't. The Jasons don't prefer it.]

By the way, boys. Next weekend? We’re putting in a pool.

So I’m not letting you quit either.    Happy weekend.

This is maybe one of the top 5 things that happened in my world this week. For sure and for certain one of the funniest. And as this story was unfolding, I couldn’t help but think, “I can’t wait to blog about this.”

Wednesday, I took my friend Jason to pick up his car from a mechanic that was sketchy at best. Let’s just say there was no business sign out front and Jason had to pay in cash.  [Hello red flags, nice to see you waving.] When we arrive to pick the car up 26 hours after dropping it off, Mike the Mechanic isn’t even there.  Jason has to call him and he arrives about 10 minutes later in the passenger seat of a Lexus SUV.  He had to come back, of course, because Jason’s keys were in Mike’s pocket. [Seems odd, doesn't it?]

Mike the ever-increasingly sketchy Mechanic takes Jason’s cash in exchange for the keys. He says “that car der purrs like a kitten now I tell ya”.  Which his redneck self should know because there were at LEAST a dozen cats running around the shop.  Eww. I didn’t even want to get out of my car for fear they might attack.

Is that enough weird for you? Wait for it….

Jason and I head off to Chick-fil-A because we are about 20 miles outside of Nashville and we pass one. Like seeing an oasis in the desert.  [Dear Chick-fil-A, downtown Nashville needs you. Real bad.]

While we’re waiting for our food, Jason says, “You know what’s weird? Mike the Mechanic parked my car behind the shop.  And you know what else? When I saw my car, all the windows were rolled down. The seats are all laid back and the car is out of gas.”

Proof, you say?  Fine.  Check it.

I try to remain true to this motto: “If you can see the handle on the back door, you are leaned back too far.” [You're welcome to adopt that as your motto as well.]

Also, and truly, this makes me laugh just to see- the gas gauge.

So pretty much, Jason’s car went on a joy ride at some point between 4pm Tuesday and 6pm Wednesday. And wherever the car went, between 1/2 and 1/4 of a tank got used up.

My guess?  A few [10+] trips back and forth to Chick-fil-A.

And I can’t say I blame them.

I stole that line from Sophie. She’s profound.

#1-> When I woke up Wednesday morning, there was a splinter in the palm of my hand. I have no idea where it came from. Did I do a handstand on the wooden porch in the middle of the night? Maybe. Whatever I did, it pains me greatly. There is nothing that feels more awesome and horrible at the same time than pulling out a splinter with tweezers.  If you possibly know how I got this splinter, could you let me know? Until then, gloves.

#2-> I didn’t know this, but my friend Seth is a really awesome singer. Maybe you should check out his myspace music page and see what you think? I personally have strong like for the song Never Know.

#3-> Someone tried to tell me that moose are really fast when they are “in a rut or having a baby”. Is that true? The friend said I texted like a moose. I thought the implication was that I am slow, but he said actually it is that I am really fast. Do I have any moose experts in the crowd? Speak up.

#4-> I’m in a bit of a challenging season in my life, professionally, personally, all of it.  Not bad, just living in a season that is worth fighting through. Know what I mean? And as Dave Barnes says [and Marisa reminds me] “The prayers of the saints, they can do what most men can’t, God bends His ears just to hear what they say…” So if you had a spare moment, just say a quick one for me.

#5-> Lady Antebellum’s new video for “I Run To You” is on CMT.com.  It’s good, y’all. Real good.

#6-> I’m going to tell you a joke cause really, it’s been so serious in this place the last few days.  I know, I don’t blame anyone but myself. And the government. [I don't know why, it just seems to be the right thing to say.]

This is my favorite joke of all time.

What did the zero say to the eight?

NICE BELT.

Thank you, folks.  Tip your waitresses, try the lasagna. [Don't blame me, my dad does stand-up comedy.  I was born with this stellar sense of humor.]

#7-> Happy Thursday. I’ve always loved Thursdays.

You know what’s funny about me being me? Sometimes I start writing blog posts for a specific day [March 12] and then totally forget to finish them on the right day and instead they get written and posted on bizarrely unrelated days [March 18].  Some might call it “idiotic”, I prefer “charmingly scatterbrained”. Tomatoes, TomAHtoes.  Right?

So enjoy this post, even though it is six days late.

On March 12, 2006, I owned a house in Marietta, Georgia. I taught 4th grade to possibly the most challenging collection of children that have ever been forced to live in the same room for 180 days. I worked tirelessly with the youth group at church and was pretty sure I had found the life I had always wanted [give or take a husband and 2.5 children].

And apparently, on March 12, 2006, I sat down at my computer and decided to write a list titled “Hebrews 11:41″. A list of things that I was going to, in faith, believe God for, just like the people listed in Hebrews 11. Now mind you, I didn’t write professionally at all at this point and I didn’t exactly have any plans that were out of the metro-Atlanta school teacher box. Hence the reason finding this document in the recesses of my computer totally shocked me. [I seriously was just going through my documents on my computer trying to clean the junk out when I ran across this one that hadn't even been opened since I wrote it.]

In an effort to guard my heart, I’m not going to regurgitate the entire list right here, but I do want to share with you the last three things on the list. Because if I was going to be really honest with you, I’d tell you that it almost freaks my freak to read these things that I wrote so long ago.

“By faith, Annie….
- Was provided for financially.
- Laid aside the common to take up the holy.
- Let go of a steady salary to depend on the Lord to provide for her as she followed His lead.”

Here I am, March 18, 2009, tearing up in the soap aisle at Target because I fear that brand name shampoo will send me over my budget. Yet three years ago I prayed and declared before God and my computer that by FAITH I was going to trust Him to provide for me financially. So that must be what this is.

So what I’m trying to tell you is that, much like the shower curtain situation, God is reminding me again that He literally knows everything- before I was a writer, before I quit teaching, before I packed up my life and moved to Nashville, God spoke to my heart and called me to deeper levels of faith. I don’t think she would have loved giving up brand name shampoo, but I do think Annie 2006 would find this whole thing pretty dang cool.

I tell you all this because I want you to experience this too. Go back, pull out some old journals or old word documents, and watch as God shows you how He has literally spent years preparing you for today.  Whether your today is life-changing or seemingly mundane, He made you for it. Brand name shampoo or not, I’m choosing to embrace today because it was three years in the making.

I love that His dreams for me in 2006 are His reality for me in 2009.

Booyah.

Enjoy this today.  It connects with the post from yesterday which, by the way, I LUH-HUVED your comments.  Especially from you married gals- yeah, the whole idea that guarding your heart transcends dudes and includes friendships and work relationships and all of it. Wise, that’s what you people are.

Oh Brooke Fraser, I couldn’t talk about your song and then not let people see your cute self and hear the whole thing. [Kat, I know you are loving this cause you are the one who opened my eyes to the beauty of this album.]

There’s some beautiful connection between the line “I am a mystery, I am a locked room in a tall tower” and “did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong“.  I can’t find the direct connect in an easy to define way, but I feel it in my heart. Something about guarding your heart and your stories is what, in the long run, really makes you feel accepted? Do you feel that in the song?

I don’t know…. but I’m working it out.

Happy Tuesday.