I just wrote an entire blog, including a pretty sweet picture. It had some good jokes, none destructive, just humorous. It was light hearted. It drew you in, as the reader, to an experience in my life and explained how I enjoy photographing those experiences. It informed you while it entertained you.

It was, in a word, good.

Then……

I realized that I have already written that same blog in November. Honestly- not word for word, but too close to believe true if I wouldn’t have seen it for myself.

How is that even possible? My brain….. it’s not right.

If you knew that I had spent the last 55 minutes trying to pick a new template, would you still be my friend? Probably not, and I can’t blame you. Especially since, in the end, I came back to ole faithful here. Welcome to my life.

I have no idea where this blog is going today. Or why I picked this particular picture. It just felt right. I don’t have much to blog about, I’m just tired of seeing the last blog at the top and since I’m pretty sure that I myself am my most faithful reader, I figured I should write something. Don’t want to bore myself.

These statues are profound to me. I don’t know what the photographer thought, but I think it is a genius moment. I am that statue on the left. I am that statue on the right.

This week, well- since I got home from Texas, has been very interesting. I’m not going to give you all the crazy details, but I’m starting to see God’s purpose in all of this. I’m watching as He is revealing to me His faithfulness before I even needed it. He gave me direction in October (that I didn’t understand) and now I think I’m seeing why. Maybe. Probably just a glimpse of why. Does that even make sense? I feel like blogs are SO much better when the real story is told, with names and all, but now is not the time. But one of the people involved with all of this is definitely Annie Downs.

Trust me- I want to tell you everything. I want to say, “LOOK! Look at what He is doing for me! Look at how God knows me better than I know myself!”. But I tend to talk to much and too quickly. Which is why I’m grateful for the backspace key. And Molly and Haley. They remind me to shut up. Which is good.

When the whole overturned tables thing happened, one of my greatest prayers, and hopes that I clung to, was that in the end, people would see what God has done for me and they would worship HIM. I trust that He will draw people to Himself as we live our lives before people, risky as it is.

That is still my prayer. That is still to come. And I think there is more for me, for YOU, than we are even seeing. This isn’t just about me- this is about God displaying His glory for YOU to see. So that YOU will know that His heart is for YOU.

But I want you to know that the worship service has started in my heart. His LOVE has overwhelmed me.

Journals are very significant to me. And wouldn’t you know, I open my red journal up this weekend to write about what I *think* I see God doing, and I have one page left. Right when He begins to reveal the depths of His goodness to me, I get to start a new blue journal. On the cover is that symbol from Ghana. Yeah, He’s just that cool. This could get interesting.

And this is the scripture that is found on the last page of this VERY good red journal that I just filled to max capacity- it probably houses some of my deepest pain and my greatest fears, yet some of the kindest truths that God has ever shown me. I think my red journal is the word version of this photograph. That idea is settling deep in my heart. I think it is true. Can you believe that we all just realized at the same time why this photograph is perfect for this blog? Wow.

This scripture is thick. Too much goodness in five verses. Read and enjoy. And believe.

Psalm 145:15-20

The eyes of all look to You,
and You give them their food at the proper time.
You open Your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

The Lord is righteous in all His ways
and loving toward all He has made.
The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who LOVE Him.

That’s what it feels like at least. I think I’m already having ancestor withdrawal. What a cool trip. How many times is Mom going to have to drag me somewhere kicking and screaming (Ghana, Williamsburg, etc.) and then me come home LOVING the trip? Then I look like a fool. I hate when that happens.

But honestly, it really was awesome. I saw Colonel when we got home and I hugged him so tight. I thought about going to see Ma at the nursing home across the street at 9:30pm tonight. Just to be with her. I’ve been seeing them in pictures from as early at 1913 up until recently (including some awesome ones from the 60s). And to have them so close now it is almost unbelievable. (I don’t feel like this is making any sense, but I’m going to roll with it.) For a week they have been an image alone- like many of the people who are dead now. But to know that there are here, where I can talk to them, touch them, hug them, is amazing me. I told Colonel and all the other family members I’ve emailed or spoken to tonight, “I love you more today than I did last Friday”. And it is true.

Even as I was driving to my house tonight, I thought, ‘This isn’t my home. This is a place that makes me live away from my family. I just left home when I left Colonel sitting at the kitchen table, Mom eating dinner, and Sally and Daddy watching TV.’ That’s home.

Here are some more pics. Thank you to my friends who are being patient and not giving up on my blog as I post pictures of people you don’t care about so my family can see them.

First of all, Colonel is standing in the back. PLEASE check out his hair. That, ladies and gentlemen, explains why my hair does that exact movement every morning. And that explains why Colonel shaves his head now. I love so many things about this photo- the high chair, the corn growing in the background, brother James dealing with the cat fur in his mouth, the creative cropping I did to cut out Aunt Mary…..

I mean this in all sincerity- I believe one of the great losses in my life is that I did not get to meet this woman- Effie Tatum aka Grandmother. Colonel’s mom. Look at this picture- she means business, but was all loving as well. Amazing. Not a one person we talked to had an unkind thing to say about her. In her lifetime, she had 7 children. 3 died before the age of 3. And I complain about my life? She’s tough. Real tough. And Godly. What is Godly toughness called? Whatever that word is, she is that.

This was in Texas. We had a BALL! Those people were so fun. And funny. R to L- Cousin David, his wife Betty (standing), Mama, Cousin Patricia, and Aunt Dickie. Everyone down there says “Aint Deekie”, so that’s what I hear in my head when I type it. And check her out, all of her 4 ft. 11 in. She’s little. “Leettle”, as they said it in the great state of Texas. (Which by the way, I had a Texas shaped waffle this morning for breakfast. That’s hard core.)

Here’s me and Aunt Dickie. I had to sit down next to her because I didn’t want to tower over her. That would be mildly embarrassing. She was so generous with her time, her photos, and her good cookin’. I always loved when her and her husband Uncle Charlie (he died a few years ago) would come to GA to visit. They were so fun. She lived up to that kid memory this week. (By the way, that’s Aunt Dickie in the high chair in the first picture.)

In the end, we scanned over 250 images- mostly pictures, but also articles from newspapers, handwritten letters, and report cards (from 1899!). Mom would scan it, then hand it to the Aunt we were with, she would tell the story, and I would type whatever she was saying into my computer. All in all, over 10 pages typed. Good gravy.

I promise no more old pictures on here. Except tomorrow…

I hope you get to hug someone in your family today. When push comes to shove, they are the ones God chose to make you and mold you, challenge you and grow you, love you and protect you. They aren’t perfect- none of us are. But they are your’s. You picked your friends- God picked your family.

I LOVE what He picked for me.

Unless you are Colonel, and I’m pretty sure he can’t use the Internet. It would totally wig him out.

From left to right- Grandmother (Colonel’s mom) Colonel (totally squatting on the fence he fell off of- remember the “poisoned pup”), Aunt Hattie (dining hall picture) and Aunt Mary (squeezed my face).

Isn’t this picture rad? And I’m telling you- Colonel and my sweet cousin Jake could be twins in this picture. Seriously, he looks JUST like Jake when he was a little kid. It’s crazy. Can you believe that is my grandfather sitting on that fence? Isn’t that wild?

In this picture below, from left to right- Grandmother, Nannie Bernice (the baby in her arms-she died when she was 1), Grandfather (Colonel’s dad and doesn’t he look JUST like my Uncle John?), Colonel (again, on the fence rockin’ that Abe Lincoln top hat) and Aunt Mary Cool, huh? More totally old pictures tomorrow. I figure since Tatum and Sally (and my cousins Jake, Josh, and Julianne) didn’t get to come on this trip, I’ll show them what they are missing.

Speaking of them, I’ve decided this- I want to remember Ma and Colonel. I want to remember Aunt Dickie (we’re with her in Texas now- she’s Colonel’s baby sister) and her family. I want to remember my parents and my parents’ siblings and their families.

I want to be able to pull out old picture albums of our family, have everyone sitting around my kitchen table in 2048, and telling Josh’s kids or Julianne’s husband or Tatum’s litter of children the funny thing that happened right before that picture was taken. I want someone to say, “Go ask Aunt Annie about that picture.”

I don’t think that families have to have a designated “Rememberer”, and I hope we all enjoy the pictures and the stories. But I’m not willing to let the people in these pictures disappear…. except maybe Aunt Mary. She made me mad. But in general , these people are worth remembering. They made me. They are the interesting and smart and funny… all things in me. Ha.

I’m the oldest grandchild on this side, and I think I’m ready to walk in what that means. So to my sisters and cousins, I promise I’ll step up when I need to. Christmas at my house (once Mama gets too old and snores during lunch). Okay? I love y’all.

Deut. 7:9
“Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is a faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who LOVE Him and keep His commands.”

I’m grateful to my ancestors for pointing us towards God; I’m grateful to God for my ancestors.

And after being serious so far, I couldn’t resist putting this on here….

If you saw Gilmore Girls tonight, you’re so with me on that title. If not, sorry.

Well, today was my “day off”- I stayed at the hotel (Parc England- on the old England Air Force Base) while Mom went and met some random limb of our family tree. I’m talking long distance- across the trunk and up a branch. But she loved hanging with them and totally calls them “family” now. I’m down with that. Their last name is Tatum; too bad it’s not Annie.

So I got to stay here. What I thought would be a 4 hour excursion actually had her gone from 9:30am until about 7:15pm. Yikes- I felt a little like “Castaway”- I ran out of fresh water by 1pm, so I ate SweeTart bunnies/chicks/ducks for my water supply. And I think I’ve given myself a cavity.

Yesterday was when Mom and I went to Aunt Mary’s house. She’s Colonel’s sister- Colonel is 93 and she is 91. Yeah, we have a serious lifespan going on in the family. She was cool. Not as cool as Colonel, so maybe that was the purpose of yesterday- I definitely left there being more appreciative of Colonel. We scanned photos that are gnarly old (like, 1901, etc.) and even found some letters written more than 70 years ago. The coolest letter was one from Ma about what my mom looked like as a baby, the month after she was born (NOT 70 years ago). This one was especially important to Mom, being that it is in Ma’s handwriting, and Ma is somewhat slipping away from us each day.

My favorite picture is of Colonel when he was about 5. He’s standing on a fence wearing shorts and suspenders. When I called him yesterday, he said, “Yeah, I remember that. I fell off that fence and landed on a piece of broken jar, right on my knee. Swelled up like a poisoned pup.” Do you realize that Colonel remembers a picture taken in 1918?!? That is wicked sick (KTB, that’s for you). And awesome. I’m going to try to use the phrase “poisoned pup” once a week. It’s good. Real good.(Mom’s going to email me the picture tomorrow so I can show it to you. It rules.)

I think I’m learning that it is important to remember that my grandparents used to be kids, too.

I can’t really dissect the experience much more, so I’ll show you pictures.

Here’s Mom and Aunt Mary in her woody kitchen. She’s keeping the pine folks in business.Aunt Mary in front of the dining hall named for her Aunt Hattie. I’m not EVEN going to tell you the “assumptions” she was making about Aunt Hattie. Not right.

Here’s Aunt Mary and me- she put my head in a vice grip and I was SO thrilled that Mama got that picture. Squeeze on, old lady. You don’t scare me.

Mom is already snoring over in her bed, which reminds me that she has threatened me within an inch of my life if I don’t tell the following story. You know I’m wearing ear plugs (previously mentioned snoring) and last night I thought I had lodged one of the plugs too deep in my ear. PERSONAL NOTE- I tend to do dumb things in my sleep, and this was in my sleep. So I start digging around in my ear, beginning to panic that I had really done something unwise and was about to have to wake Mom up because I had damaged my ear. I woke up fully and realized that my finger that was searching for the earplug was in my… NOSE. Nope, no ear plugs there.

You’re welcome for that ammunition to embarrass me in the future.

It looks like the title is “1/2″, as in half a day of highlights. Actually, I’m going to give you Day 1 and Day 2 highlights. (Why did I choose to explain it instead of change it? No clue.)

Sally came up from AU (why exactly does she go there? Ugh… it always makes me want to yell “Go Dawgs!”) and ate dinner with us and my cousin Amy, her baby Scarlett, and my Aunt Carol. Even though we are less that 48 hours into our trip, my family already amazes me. (I’m sure there is more of this idea to come.) Family is just the weirdest thing, isn’t it? Yet beautiful. I love Amy. It’s great to have a cousin a little older than me that loves the Lord and is making the choice to raise her family in the church. There’s a lot of crazy drama going on in areas of our family and it is great to see someone doing it right. Not to mention that she thinks I’m really funny, which I won’t disagree with her on that….

And a quick shout-out to all my snow bunny friends. Don’t break your face on the slopes.

Well, Mom and I leave in an hour for a little week long road trip to Louisiana.

We will be stopping today in Birmingham to see some family (sorry that I can’t see you, Whit!!) and then heading to Aunt Mary’s house in Louisiana. There, we’ll be scanning old pictures into Mom’s computer and talking to an female version of Colonel. We may even get to argue over some family heirlooms. That would be nice. Should be interesting.

Then we’ll just hop, skip, and jump over to Texas to see Aunt Dickie. She’s funny. But she’s in Texas. That’s a long way from Georgia.

I’ll be home Friday. I hope I get to blog while I’m gone…. we’ll see.

So there are a lot of people who read this blog (and who live on earth) that do not teach school. For you, I present this insight into the educational world. This is what we at Woodstock Elementary call “teacher pinkie”.

You may notice the dark patch on the top knuckle of my finger. (Yes, I have quit biting my nails.) In present day classrooms, chalkboards are nothing more than a memory. Instead, we have white boards. The problem with my white board is that it is dirty. Really dirty. There is a lot of residue left over from worked-out math problems and illustrations of the six simple machines. The issue lies in the particular eraser that I am using right now- it doesn’t take off the marker ink, it just spreads it around, not really clean it.

The most wonderful teacher I’ve ever known was Mrs. Childress- I student taught with her for 2 semesters at Bramlett Elementary School in Winder, GA. My first day, I asked her how she managed to write everything on her white board so perfectly straight. And on that day, she taught me the greatest teaching trick… maybe ever. “Put your pinkie down, Annie, let it lead you and you’ll write straight across the board”, she said. And then she proceeded to make me practice…. a lot.

So thanks to her, I live my entire school year with this constant area of dark grey on my right pinkie finger from where it slides across the board as I attempt to write in a straight line. And as I looked at it today, I thought, “I should blog about that.”

I also thought, “I seriously think it is time to clean my white board.”

Did you know that one can clean a white board with baby wipes? I’ll be doing that on Friday.

Did you know “pinkie” can be spelled with an ie or a y? Neither did I.

Or maybe iBlog?

I believe strongly in the power of a well designed playlist. Not that you care about what I’m listening to presently; but really, why should you care about any of the things I write on here? (I feel like Ryan right now)

Anywho, here’s my newly created playlist-

1. Jesus Loves Me by Christy Nockels
2. Lover of My Soul by Vineyard Music Canada
3. Everlasting Love by Enter The Worship Circle (Third Circle)
4. Your Love Is Deep
5. Divine Romance by Phil Wickham
6. My Love Hasn’t Grown Cold by Bethany Dillon
7. Here Is Love by Matt Redman
8. In Your Love by Nichole Nordeman
9. Your Love Remains by Ji Lee
10. Your Love Is Extravagant by Darrell Evans
11. Nothing Fancy by Dave Barnes
12. Unfailing Love by Chris Tomlin
13. Love Song by Jason Morant
14. I Am In Love With You by Darrell Evans

I linked the songs that I’ve written about at some point… hopefully to make this blog a little more entertaining for you.

Confession- I was tempted to put “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell, “This Love” by Maroon 5, and “I’ll Be Loving You Forever” by New Kids On The Block (NKOTB to you true fans out there, Molly and Tatum) on this playlist.

I resisted the urge. I’m not even sure why.

“Our Father does not create us with painfully strong desires and dreams solely to break our spirits when they do not come to pass. Sometimes the purpose of both the dream and the devastation are one: to loosen our clinging ties to this life and lift our chin toward eternity. At least, that is what He did with me.

He is good. There have been times I doubted…where I knew cognitively that He was good but could not see Him doing good to me. Ah, but He does–even when He does not give us what we want.”

A beautiful quote from my friend Natalie.

A beautiful reminder of who He is and how He LOVES. If anything lately, I have learned the importance of surrendering what I want to Him and embracing what He gives, even if it is not what I want. Because of His great LOVE.