I don’t know if you know this about me, but God often works in seasons in my life. Or “themes”, if you will. I can think back over many different times in my life where God has “themed” me. Where an entire section of my year, usually an entire journal, is dedicated to one idea, one character in the Bible, one issue, one verse, for that matter. He knows me- I need simple.

Last night, God put a theme on my heart that, I think, will last until Easter. One year in college, my winter theme was Jesus. That’s all- just reading stories of Jesus in the Gospels right up to the resurrection on Easter Sunday. (That’s how the winter theme usually works- I’m telling you, as crazy as it is, this is not our first trip around this block.)

And my new theme is LOVE.

Hilarious, right? Probably the most simple concept in the Bible, but God has me completely captivated by the idea, just the mere idea, of His LOVE. In fact, every time I write it in my journal, I have this compulsion to capitalize it. To be honest, I already have a picture in my mind of the piece of art that I want to create when this season is over. I’m that sure of the theme.

In Edwin McManus’s book Soul Cravings that I started last night, this quote jumped out at me and it was the catalyst for my theme.

“It is LOVE that moves God toward us and LOVE that pulls us toward Him. Follow LOVE and it will guide you to God.”

I laugh now that yesterday, before this idea even came to my head, I blogged about the things I LOVE. And now, I blog about Someone Else’s LOVE for me.

1) My cell group.
It’s amazing to think that God put us together, five women and four men (four married couples + me), 2 little girls, 1 baby boy (the J man), many more little ones to come and maybe another guy someday. But it feels like home there. It feels long, if that makes sense. Like it’s not just a short investment we are making in each other.

2) Barnes & Noble.
There is something about such a HUGE collection of words that makes me breathe deeply when I enter. I spent about $30 there today, guaranteeing that I have to make dinner at home tonight, but it was totally worth it.

3) My parents.
I ate lunch with them today. And we talked seriously about the future. My future. My plans. What I want to do. And they talked about their thoughts and it is just nice to be in a place where I can see my parents whenever I want to and I enjoy it. They are good people to be around. I’m glad I live in Marietta.

4) Clementines.
My favorite fruit of any season. I wonder if I would love them as much if they were offered all year long. Probably not. Since they are a treat in the winter, I look forward to them; and around Christmas, I begin glancing around the produce section at the grocery store to see if the wooden crates have arrived. Now that they have, I am delighted.

5) Teenagers.
Again, something I sometimes forget. But I’ve been seeing on myspace (why did I learn something from myspace? Sad.) how these kids from East Paulding are grieving the loss of the 2 students who died in a car wreck this week. It makes me appreciate the teenagers I do have in my life and pricks my heart again as I remember how much I miss youth group.

6) God.
Brandon prayed at cell group this morning that God would increase our capacity to grasp who He is. And I remembered that there is so much more to Him than I even know. He is so good and so deep and so wise and so my everything.

7) Brand new books.
And I have 2 sitting on my bed (Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus and The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory) and as hard as I try, I can not pick out which one to read now.

Sunday afternoons.
You just can’t beat this feeling of relaxing with nothing to do but decide which book to read and figure out other ways (besides blogging) to avoid folding laundry.

9) Song writers.
I saw Dave Barnes in concert this weekend (you may remember him from my favorite video ever). Not only was he a good musician, the lyrics he writes are fantastic. I have spent more time reading his lyrics than listening to his music this weekend. I’m a dork, I know. He may be climbing up there with Bebo Norman, but don’t tell Bebo- I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

10) Ice cream.
It’s true.

This week, I’m not feeling as “bloggy” as usual. For some reason, I’m really diggin’ my journal and what’s going on in there. I’m not quitting blogging by ANY MEANS. It’s an addiction. I don’t quit addictions. I’m not a cold turkey kind of girl. But I think I just need to see my handwriting a little more frequently than I have recently.

There are just things I’ve been able to avoid talking to God about because I’ve just been writing/typing so much. Which is all good because as previously stated, I heart blogging. But it’s time I went right to Him and discussed some real-life choices that He and I have to make.

And you know what sucks about real-life choices? They are always costly.

So, today, I give you my new favorite recipe. Enjoy!! I bought way-not-ripe avocados- they were like rubber. So I had to make it without them last week and it was a great salsa to put on top of grilled chicken. I know what you’re thinking… yes, there is a chance I may make someone a fine wife one day. Until then, I make salsa.

AVOCADO-FETA SALSA (from Southern Living)

Prep: 20 min.

Make this salsa shortly before serving for best results. Avoid refrigerating it–the texture of the tomatoes will soften.

4 plum tomatoes, chopped
2 tablespoons finely chopped red onion
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 (4-ounce) package crumbled feta cheese
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 avocados, chopped
Assorted tortilla chips

Stir together first 9 ingredients. Gently stir in avocado just before serving. Serve with assorted tortilla chips.

Yield: Makes 8 appetizer servings

So I honestly wasn’t just trying to leave you in suspense. I really had to go.

But here is the movie I saw- Freedom Writers. It’s great. I think at any point in my life I would have enjoyed it, but because I was trying to make a MAJOR decision, it sank deep into my heart.

Friday afternoon after school I went to the theater with April, we had been wanting to see this movie. Knowing how these movies usually go, we had already prepped ourselves- “I won’t hold it against you if you cry, April”, I said jokingly. She replied, “Yeah, right. I’m so sure I’ll be the one who cries, not you.” She knows me- I’m a crier.

And I did cry. Because throughout this movie, I saw myself. No, I don’t teach in an inner city school, nor do I even teach high schoolers. Truthfully, in the beginning of the film, April and I were mocking the main character because she was SUCH a first year teacher. But soon she changed. And she was me. And those students were mine. In fact, in one flashback scene, two small black boys, about the age of my students now, are sitting on a bench together and I remember thinking, “That looks just like Tony and Gregg.” And just as I make this realization, one of the little boys accidentally shoots himself and dies. Tears begin to roll down my cheek one after the other. These were my kids. I hurt when they hurt. I love them. (FYI- this is one of those blogging moments when I’m sitting alone crying in my room. Just so you know.)

Along with the “but you get summers off” comment that I always get, I hear this too- “you have no idea the impact you are making on these kids”. And most of the time it makes me scoff because I want to reply, “And you have no idea what kind of permanent damage they are doing to me, too!”

But, I saw in this movie, there are so many times when she was making life-long impressions on these kids, but she never knew. They made life choices because of what she taught them, but she never saw it. How many times has that happened with my students? And I just don’t know.

Maybe it hasn’t happened at all- but here is the truth- I have the CHANCE to impact them every day. I want to keep teaching because I want to make a difference. (Call me Capt. Cliche) I think so many people will see this movie and walk out wishing they had that opportunity. I would be foolish to waste a chance to live with and love kids in a life changing way. And somehow, by a hug or a talk or just every day life, they will see Jesus in me. I am the most influential adult in their life for 180 days. That is a BLESSING, not a curse.

I was so excited to get this exact picture. That’s me. That’s what I do to my kids every day, except after we punch fists, we “blow it up”, which apparently makes me even cooler than Hilary Swank.

Of course, there are parts of this movie that are nothing like me, but throughout the film, the Lord kept using different situations or conversations to remind me that He has made me for this. At least for now. Every scene was a billboard sign from God saying “I MADE YOU FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!

It doesn’t mean I’m not going to write. I am. And I hope and pray that this is the year that something cool happens with that stuff. And this also doesn’t mean I’m going to teach forever. Because I probably won’t. But for now, I’m a teacher.

So, to the list of different ways that the Lord leads me and speaks in my life, I can add “through movies”. I think that’s the best $9.50 I’ve ever spent.

God has some funny ways of doing things, but that’s one of the reasons I love Him.

why I teach school.

I can tell you this because I think I have finally figured out the answer. Or at least I have figured out enough to be able to form some type of response to the question that is asked more often than you would believe.

Because, as many of you know, I had forgotten why I taught school. It hadn’t slipped my mind, necessarily. It’s more like it was covered, smothered, chunked, and drowned by a bad year. A really bad year. A “why-in-the-world-am-I-doing-this?” year.

I’ve wanted to teach school since I was in elementary school. Tatum and Sally took more tests and quizzes than any other siblings in the world. When I didn’t get into the early childhood program at UGA, it broke my heart. A weird turn of events, and a God-send of an advisor, changed that and allowed me to become a teacher.

So I taught. I taught 5th grade for 2 years in Jackson County and now I’m in my 2nd year teaching 4th grade in Woodstock. It’s nothing like you think it is. It’s harder and easier, at the same time. The things that you think would be the worst parts (paperwork, parents) are really small compared to meetings, band wagon educational philosophies, financial worries, and children who are no longer raised by their parents but are raised by MTV instead. But yes, I do get 2 weeks at Christmas and the summers off. And yes, I do finish everyday at 3:00pm. (I knew you would say that- everyone does.)

My first year teaching, I was passionate and creative. I was dedicated and exhausted. I thought I knew everything and I really knew nothing. Except this- I loved those children. I prayed for those children. I put my hand on each of their heads every Monday morning and prayed. Of course, they thought I was just looking for lice (no lie!), but it was an open door, so I took it.

But like any profession, you settle in and that which was fun and exciting before is now mundane. The love for the children is smashed by the stresses and discouraging situations- rude parents, sad home lives, not being allowed to just teach, the GCRCT, complete disrespect from the kids, etc.

And then you get the class from hell. Not all of them, of course, but enough that (knock on wood) they will be considered the worst class I ever had. And it caused this crisis of belief. Why was I even there? I could definitely find another job. I love writing. For that matter, I love Chick-fil-A. I could work there. All summer I made plans to quit teaching. I was going to find another way to earn money that didn’t involve any public school system in Georgia.

These thoughts, these questions about whether this was really God’s best plan for my life, have been in my mind for over a year. (One of those overturned tables. You with me?) And when decision time arrived this week, when that intent form for the 2007-2008 school year was put in my box, I honestly had no idea what to do.

So I went to the movies.

$9.50 later, I know why I’m a teacher.

To be continued………

I’ve restarted this blog three times. I can’t figure out how to tell you what I’m thinking. It’s not that I’m short on words- that will be the day. It’s that I can’t relate to you exactly how music and lyrics affect me.

It’s deep. It’s personal. I don’t prefer music where I can’t understand what the performer is saying- I think, “Why did you even waste time writing anything if you were going to scream it?”. And this is one of the reasons I like Ludacris- he may sing quasi-vulgar lyrics, but I can understand every one of them- and to be honest, some of them are genius. Sorry, Mama.

My friend James and I talk about it a lot- he’s a song writer, I’m a writer writer (huh?), and we compare notes on the difficult side as well as the blessed side of constantly having words swirling around in your head. It’s like constantly making a DQ blizzard in your brain that stays on that little spinner thing until you sit down and write.

There have been multiple times (some of them recorded on this very blog) when music has changed my day. My heart. Brought tears to my eyes. And one of the leading culprits is Bebo Norman. Here’s how you can tell the difference between a flash-in-the-pan artist and a true musician- the same CD that spoke directly to my heart in 1999 made me cry, and talk straight to God, on I-85 last Friday.

I was driving to Jackson County, thinking about all the decisions and changes that have gone on in my life in the last 6 months, seeing if maybe this day would be the day that God would reveal something about His best plan for me. Every day I wonder that- is today the day that God is going to make it clear? Will today be the day that I am called to be brave? Not yet.

One of Bebo’s old songs came on my iPod. I know every word. But here is the sign of a good lyric writer- it means something different to me every time I hear it. And the genius thing about Bebo is that he sings to Jesus a lot, but as you listen, you wonder, “Is he singing to a girl or to God?”- and I love the confusion of that question. Because that is the kind of relationship I want to have with God, too.

The song is “In Your Hands”. Here are the lyrics.

He’s a writer. He may also have a great voice and guitar skills, but he is a writer. In my personal opinion, he understands how to combine words in a way that is time tested and memorable. I never fear when a new album comes out- I purchase it because I know that the lyrics are going to make me pause my iPod, think, breathe deep, then repeat the same line over again.

With the DQ-ness going on in my mind right now, I wonder if someday I will write something that makes that kind of impact. This isn’t a call for compliments or encouragement. This is a genuine question in my heart- I wonder if someday, someone I have met once (yes, I met Bebo once in Athens) will pass by a book of mine on a bookshelf, pull it off, flip through it and decide it might be a worthy purchase. She’ll go home, decide nothing good is on television, and grab that book she just bought by that girl she saw one time. She’ll start reading it and at least once have to put it down to breathe deep because the words moved her. And in the end, she’ll realize that all along I was talking about God, not a boy. And she wants to have that kind of relationship with Him, too.

If I ever do write that book, tell that girl to thank Bebo.

Here he is! Jarrett. Looking good, feeling better… well, except for that one little place that got snipped a little while before we got there. Ouch.

This man already knows me- I’m trying to take his picture and so I’ll look at him and say “open your eyes, Jarrett!” and he’d look right at me. Then, I would lift up my camera and the sneaky little booger would close them. I think this time he was peeking to see if I was still looking. Gotcha.

Me and Jarrett. Seriously, I dig this kid so much. I’m already pumped about playing in the yard with him, maybe chasing him around the house, or just letting him sit on a sheet and dragging him around like a magic carpet. Don’t worry- I’ll wait a few years to do that.

Aunt Molly. She’s good with babies. She may even be having one. Very soon.

(Okay, not really, but I felt it my duty to start a small rumor. It only takes a spark, people.)

Chad and Misti Ellis. High quality members of our cell group. I seriously love both of them a lot- good friends to have. They will have beautiful babies- with dimples.

The real champ, Mama Haley. She was amazing, and continues to be. I love her.

This may be my favorite one. The nurse was about to wash his hair. I think when she offered it, he said, “What? Me? You’re gonna wash MY hair? Are you sure about that?” Tell me that’s not what his face is saying!!

How cute is this man!?!?

And don’t worry- Jarrett does have a daddy, he was just not around at the exact photo moments. We (me, Molly, Jarrett, Haley, and Daddy Jeff) all watched American Idol together- Jarrett thinks he’s already spotted a winner. Well, he’s picked out 2 great parents, so I guess I can trust him.

I guarantee tomorrow I’ll blog on things promised, but Jarrett is so WAY cuter than anything else I have to say.

By the way, Happy birthday, Shannon! You are a treasured friend.

Though I have many (7 to be exact) other things to blog about, they are all second to this:

Haley and Jeff had their baby today!!

(If you don’t know, Haley is one of my very best friends, big sister, confidant, partner in crime, etc.)

As soon as I got the call at school, I begged for a sub and got the heck out of there.

After lots of hard work and pain (serious), Haley birthed the cutest little guy I’ve seen in a long time.

Jarrett James Watkins
7 lbs. 8 oz.
20 inches

I’ll have a picture tomorrow. You’re gonna be jealous that you aren’t that cute. I am.

I’m putting this in the same category as Ghana- it was such an amazing experience, so deep and beautiful and meaningful, that I honestly can’t even process it all. It would only mean more to me if it was me or one of my sisters, I think. Or Molly. She ties with Haley, only she’s a little more devious. I like that about her.

But speaking of Ghana, here’s my all-time favorite Ghana picture. To hold you over until you see the man Jarrett tomorrow.

Luke and I are awesome at being statues. I bet you can’t even pick us out of the group, can you?

I’ve got to take the weekend off- a lot of other things in my life need to get done. Let me list them for you- in no particular order:
1. chores
2. reading my book club book (800+ pages, 10 days to go, only on page 386. Yikes.)
3. outlining some writing stuff
4. finishing my chapel talk for Dominion (only outlined, 11 days to go)
5. purchase some things (gifts, jeans, etc.)
6. try to get Tatum’s iPod repaired
7. sleep in

But, when I return, here’s a sampling of what you have to look forward to- again, in no particular order (and no guarantees- I’m a fickle lady):
1. why I teach school (no, not because of the big bucks I make, though that doesn’t hurt)
2. Jackson County on Friday nights
3. Bebo Norman changes my life often
4. God sets the lonely in families
5. photographs
6. why I hate skiing
7. I don’t know, but I like to work in 7s.

By the way, happy long weekend.
MLK deserves this honor. Well done, my friend.

I bought a ring in Ghana with this symbol on it. I’m into symbols- I like them. I like when things have meaning. Don’t get me wrong- purposeless designs are pretty. But if you have a beautiful design, abstract of course because that’s always right, with a deep heart meaning behind it, you’ve found a gold mine, my friend.

And that’s what this one is to me. We were in the jewelry store across the street from Frankie’s (home of the nickname “Beef Burger”), and behind the hollow wooden door, tacked to the wood paneled wall, was an old discolored poster displaying all the Adinkra symbols and their meanings. As Claire and I read them, we were looking at her bracelet and matching the symbols- don’t think I didn’t laugh out loud when one of them (a triangle on top of a circle) was the symbol of a knife used in executions. We’re expecting some tear-jerker meaning and we get that? TBS commercials would say “very funny”.

Anyways, so we’re standing there, reading this chart, listening to the beautiful accent of the woman that owns the store trying desperately to find everything my mom wants to buy, and this symbol jumps out at me. For an abstract person, it was strange for my eye to be caught by something so very symmetrical.

And this is the meaning:

Biribi wo soro. Nyame biribi wo soro ma embeka mensa.

“God there is something in the heavens, let it reach me.”

A symbol of hope.

It took my breath away. The way God grabs hold of a moment and seals it. Like in a Tupperware almost. It’s that preserved to me. The instant my eyes fell onto this design.

In this “place” God has me, or whatever it is, every sweet ounce of hope He drips onto my parched heart, I appreciate. You know my old overturned table analogy? From Matthew 21? Well, I’ve been surrounded by these tables for a couple of months now. At first, when they turn over, there is pain and hurt as you hear and see them crash to the ground. Then, there is a shock/expectancy of what in the world to do. And you stand there, eyes fixed on Jesus to see what His next move is, because you want to be there for it.

Now, months later, months of looking at all the things I was so certain of, being strewn across the ground, it begins to feel disappointing and somewhat discouraging. I mean, all these tables. All these hopes. Dreams. Plans. Desires. Thoughts. All turned over. And I’m just waiting on Jesus to move. It’s hard to stay focused on Jesus standing in front of me when a glance to the ground reminds me of all that has been spilled around my feet, and how easy it would be to clean up.

So, amidst these images of me and these tables in my head (can you tell that God uses pictures with me all the time?), I see this symbol. This pattern that people for a long time have used- before writing and reading- when symbols and stories shared His heart. The knowledge that God is up there and He sees us- He has things for us and we stand here and say “Let them reach me”.

Here’s sweet Maggie at the jewelry store. And the wonderful lady who searched and searched to find my symbol on a ring. That I proudly wear on my left ring finger- believing that God knows better than me the good things He has in heaven for me. Nothing is guaranteed- what I think is best is not always the case. But I’m still watching, believing Him to show up in power, just like it says in the Bible. Trusting that His power in my life will cause people to worship. Glory to God. He is my hope.

See? Proof in the pudding that I can process events- it just may take me a couple of days.

Sorry Caroline and Shannon. I won’t leave you hanging so long in the future.